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"Old Ramirez came to my house, totally upset and babbling something about a flying saucer or a spaceship that he claims to have seen over the river after midnight." Jenny laughs and shakes her head. "Poor old fool. The Latinos of this generation are all extremely superstitious. Maybe he should finally sell his farm and move into a retirement home." Twenty minutes later, when Jenny is driving along the old River Road, she thinks of the "flying saucer" again when suddenly a dark figure wielding a double-barreled shotgun jumps in front of her car. Startled, she brakes violently and rolls down her window. "Ah, thank goodness! It's only you, Jenny!" Ramirez lowers his gun and steps nearer. "Watch out, there are some very strange things going on. Have you ever seen anything like that? I found it in my cornfield today." The old farmer pulls a small red object from the pocket of his overall and hands it over to the blonde woman. Jenny weighs the funny thing in her hand and shrugs. She cannot. Darwinism 3: We evolved from shit.Deism 1: Shit happens everywhereDeism 2: God does not make shit happen.Democrat-ism 1: Shit should be provided by the government to all people equally? and for free.Democrat-ism 2: How can we send a man to the moon and still have all this shit?Democracy-ism: Everyone has the same opportunity to make shit happen.Denialism: What shit?Depressionism: Why can’t shit happen to me too!Descartes: I shit, therefore I am.Despotism: Let only one shit happen.Determinism: Obviously, that shit was bound to happen to you.Dianetics: (see Scientology below)Discordianism 1: Some funny shit happened to me today.Discordianism 2: This might be shit, or it might be a fuzzy pink 1965 Mustang.Discordianism 3: Shit makes the flowers grow and that’s beautiful.Dyslexianism: Hits shapnep.Disney-ism: Bad shit doesn’t happen in the kingdom.Divorcism 1: She’s full of shit!Divorcism 2: He’s fooling around with some worthless piece of shit.Divorcism 3: ... but Judge, you can’t give.
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